


i'm sorry

by Yelposaurus



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Dead People, Flowers, Introspection, Sad, graves, or person, ow my heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:08:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23363707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yelposaurus/pseuds/Yelposaurus
Summary: You don't even have your name engraved on your headstone. Just the date you were born and the date you died. That's all there is. I'm sorry about that.Even though I thought I had all the time in the world to mourn for you, andonly you,it still managed to slip through my fingers like dirt on a dry day. I couldn't do you proper justice and I'msorryabout that. It seems like there are a lot of things I need to apologise to you for.I told the stars about you. Do you remember, when we were both lying in the grass outside at night and it felt like no one in the world could ever hear us, no one at all, and we sat and looked up at the stars and I saidplease give away the ending, please tell me it's us at the end of the worldand youlaughedand saidyeah, I think it might just be you and mebut now you'redeadand I don't think I can really breathe.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	i'm sorry

**Author's Note:**

> ow

You don't even have your name engraved on your headstone. Just the date you were born and the date you died. That's all there is. I'm sorry about that. Even though I thought I had all the time in the world to mourn for you, and _only you,_ it still managed to slip through my fingers like dirt on a dry day. I couldn't do you proper justice and I'm _sorry_ about that. It seems like there are a lot of things I need to apologise to you for. 

I'm sitting in front of your grave now, if you hadn't already guessed. It doesn't stand out against all of the other headstones here, and I think you would have liked that. Yours is simple, you know? It's nice to look at. Well, as nice as it can be for a grave - something that marks this patch of dug-up ground as _yours._

There's a bouquet of flowers lying above your dead body, did you know? I put them there. The pink and purple and white of the gladiolus and columbine stand out quite well, I think. I'm not too sure. I just picked out some random flowers from the nearest shop, and saying that now makes it seem really inconsiderate. I promise though, it's not meant to be. At least you have something, right? There are a lot of empty graves here, and honestly it's upsetting. 

Hey, why couldn't you leave me with something? At least, leave me with something better than torn up memories and barely-there feelings. I'm trying to reach them, I really am, but they're just too far away. I bet, if you were here, I would have grasped them in the palm of my hand in no time. You always helped. But now you can't, not anymore, not now that you're gone. You've left me all behind, did you know that? I don't have anyone else to go to, no one to stay with or spend time with. You were the only one I ever really had. But now you're underneath the ground, just an empty body.

I miss you really quite awfully right now. There are many things to say at a loved one's grave, and I don't think I know them. Have I said something right yet? You still won't answer me. I even had a _ring_ for you, and I bet you didn't know that, did you? I had so many things that I wanted to show you, wanted to do _with_ you, but now I can't. Not ever.  
You're very selfish. I came all this way to give you all of these precious words of mine and all of these special things and you can't even say no, _I don't want them._

I told the stars about you. Do you remember, when we were both lying in the grass outside at night and it felt like no one in the world could ever hear us, no one at all, and we sat and looked up at the stars and I said _please give away the ending, please tell me it's us at the end of the world_ and you _laughed_ and said _yeah, I think it might just be you and me_ but now you're _dead_ and I don't think I can really breathe.

So what's it like when you die? You know now, because you're dead. So _tell me._ Does anything you've ever done really ever matter? All the good deeds, and all of the bad ones, do they ever really count? Is all of it wasted? I'll die someday, of course. Will everything I've ever done, everything that's ever meant anything at all to me ever really account for something? Oh God, what if I die in a few years and then I'm under a headstone that doesn't have a name and I never really lived at all and there's nothing, _nothing_ that could ever really change that--

I'm having a hard time breathing right now. Oh, wouldn't it be funny if someone walked past me and watched as I struggled to choke on my own breaths. _Fuck,_ I want to go back to a time before this was all too late. To a time when you and I were still somewhat alive at all. 

I owe you so, _so_ much, and I can't ever really repay you. Not with flowers. Not with gifts, or damned rings that never got put on fingers. I'm really, terribly _sorry,_ you know? I'm sorry that you gave so much away. I'm sorry that you never got anything in return. I'm sorry that you might just have wasted your life away. I'm sorry that it's probably all my fault. I'm sorry that you _died._

Although, the flowers really do stand out. They draw my eyes to were your name should be engraved, and it isn't. Oh, I'm sorry about that too.

I'm really sorry that your heart decided to fall in love with mine.  
I really, really am.

**Author's Note:**

> the flowers mean remembrance and abandonment, if you were interested.


End file.
